the glory of all lands?

thats the slogan for bayelsa state,if you ask me,the only right they have to that 'pay off line' is just all that oil been drilled out of that state! because for whatever else,the place aint shit! and its so annoying to see such levels of poverty everyday when their natural resources is most of what is used to develop other states,and especially the federal capital territory which when compared to bayelsa is paradise!! when i say i can understand the cause of these militants,iit might seem like one is encouraging violence! but in reality,these people are suffering and you can practically smell the poverty off the streets.

i dont even wanna talk bout the mindset of the average bayelsan,its fucked! excuse my french! but really,these pple have nothing going on for them except this oil and its been taken away from them. so the average bayelsan is quite hostile,thinking that you're out to get him or cheat him out of what rightfully belongs to him/her. i dont blame them really cos what ordinarily should have been God's blessing to them has now been exploited and mismanaged by some really greedy people,what should have bn a blessing is now beginning to look more like a curse!!

N.B

by the way the father of the bayelsa deputy governor was kidnapped last nite,i thot that was hilarious!!!

Bayelsa Blues Pt 2

I walked into my hostel and i thot i was in the storage or something cos i seriously did not want to believe the mad house i just walked into was gon be my place of abode for 21 days!! Holy mother of God!! there must ave been at least 50 bunks in there or so i delusionally thot!! Alas!! i joke! i found my number which was 015,luckily it was the last on my side so i had some privacy as far as conducting ur business within a one inch radius goes. i turned about to check the last number on the bunk opposite,thinking it would be 30 or something,i winced when i saw the number,i honestly thot my short-sightedness had kicked in again!i wore my glasses and the numbers stubbornly stared right back at me-134!!!

FUCK ME AND A BAG OF CHIPS! I HAD 133 ROOM-MATES!!

Not that i'm xenophobic or anything but c'mon! that tiny path you see is the one everyone squeezes thru every morning on the way to the bathroom,now that is another story entirely. whats even more annoying is about half of these girls either have cheap boyfriends or cheap toasters cos their phones go ballistic at night-yeah! fucking midnight calls! and wats sad is none of them has got phone manners in check so they talk like its 12noon on a sunday and they at the park for a picnic when really its 2am in the room in a room with other ppl. did i forget to mention that the bloody soldiers wake us up at 4am?!!!

notice anything bout the head rest? yup! bags! we used our bags or dirty clothes as pillows cos we were not given any!

notice how shes squeezing thru ? hunmph! everday we squeezed thru like that and i'm not exactly anorexic!!

Bayelsa Blues Pt 1

I made it! I went to Bayelsa state and i'm back and boy! do i ave srories or what? I must confess after the first few days,i wanted to go home but i'm glad i stayed;i think i'm a better person cos of this scheme. yeah i know it sounds funny but at the end of it all,i did enjoy camp tho i fought that feeling but i guess if u cant beat them,u join them right?!!

My first "issue" with the whole trip probably started from when i heard it was gon cost 50grand to purchase a return ticket from and to Port-Harcourt which is the nearest sane city to bayelsa, there was no way i was gon to pay half of a 100,000naira to travel for just about one hour!! So i found what seemed like a cheaper alternative at first until i realised(when it was too late)that it wasnt!After "plenty" consultation with travellers of note,i decided to go thru Owerri,i was told by these confused pple that Owerri is "jjust" bout two hrs away from bayelsa.weelllll.......it is if u were flying in and out of the gutters otherwise known as potholes on the road,Jesus Christ!it took about 4 bloody hours,it did!!!

I got to camp around 1830hrs and i was feeling quite happy with and for me,thinking i had beat the rush by arriving on the day camp opened and i was definitely gon be amongst the first hundred! humph!delusional i was!well,i didnt realise this until i was asked to register or sign in or something along the lines of putting my name down and then i saw my serial number which at time was 1015!!! first reaction------the government should make sure parents let their children/wards sleep! what the ........?! Very quickly,my brisk steps probably brought on by my excitement turned into a trudge,i suddenly didnt feel like being with so many young pple!!! i wrote my name and "trudged" to my hostel after collecting my mat otherwise called mattress(note-not that i'm "funkifying" the word mattress,its just that what they gave us probably was known as mattress when it was first bought,but as at the time when i dragged it into block D,it had metamorphosed into a mat,i think some mats are actually better than what i slept on for three weeks!!)

Into block D i walked and therein was my no.1 greatest shocker for the duration of the orientation camp!!!

goodbye.......farewell!

well,here we are. i am about to be out and wont be here for another three weeks but who knows ,i might actually run into a cyber cafe at camp and i'll fill u in but for now,i've got to be M.I.A.

Comatose Romance.......?

Okay,i know that since i got my call up letter i ave not bn talking about anything else but Bayelsa state and that can certainly be annoying! but i'm excited and i dont think there should be anything more interesting in my life now....................but really there shoulld be right? well,i did warn you about the lack of excitement in my life abi?
alright well,whatever! i was at the beach with a ccouple of friends early this morning around 2am till like 4am(for someone whose life is normally boring,i'm not doing badly!)it was so cooool! waves slappin,palms whistling and all of that novel bullshit!another time and day,i probably would ave had time to commune with mother nature but i was simply out to party!
thats that,nothing much to report there,its not like my skills of description has gone AWOL,it wasnt just out of the ordinary!
anyway,i'm here now in the comfort of my little room romancing my laptop and wondering what i'm gon do about this coma i know our love affair is gon fall into? What? did u think they ave base stations in the "murkylicious" waters of kolokuma/opokuma local government area? i didnt think so! so it looks like we'd ave to settle for when i come back after my three weeks?!!!!! orientation to regal y'all with tales of toils,crimes and retribution,sex and politics from the big brother house of the NYSC! Ciao!

Ajuwaya!

sometings wrong



i think i might be the only one excited about going away to march in swamps!!! wake up call is at 4am and i'm actually looking forward to it, i must be madder than i thot!
ok i admit,i'm a hopeless romantic with a thing for adventure....its one and the same isnt it? adventure,romance...they share the same DNA ,dont they?
anyways,back to the issue,i am excited but i'm trying not to show it. ok maybe i'm not that excited and its trepidation at the thot of being captured and tortured by cold hearted-money grabbing militants!!!
i've heard a lot about bayelsa in th e last couple of days, you know how people rejoice at ones misery? yup! some pple ave taken it upon themselves to keep me updated on the goings-on of the militants in bayelsa.
All i ave to say to them is- I WILL NOT BE INTIMIDATED! WE DO NOT NEGOTIATE WITH TERRORISTS!

N.B(how many of u wrote these in letters in sec.school?)
------as much as u lot wld be happy for
me to announce that i ave a terrible condition
that makes me commit grammatical blunders
i'm sorry to dissapoint y'all but I DO NOT!
thing is,i think faster than i write so i end up
omitting words....,so pls try to make sense out of what i write
even if u cant make me make sense!

I got served!!!

I'm one of the lucky few,i finished uni in record time......5yrs! i can not even venture near the complaints desk so i'm grateful. i remember when i wrote my final paper,i was sure nothing could stop me now and the stress i silently bore for 5yrs had finally come to a head. Hopefuls rushed out of the exam hall confident of a new beginning,never would they be caught up in the cross fire between the federal government and the almighty ASUU! hey hurray! i cant tell u for sure if my memory permits me ,that my voice for one of the loudest that day. i had finished uni without an or some extra years! My father's pride would have gone full circle if not for my 2.2 CPGA!!
I finished Feb 2006,project written and submitted and all,then the wait began. At first it was, "sorry we cant find your GNS204 results,the GNS dept hasnt forwarded it to us yet and by virtue of that,your name couldnt make the list of "cleared" students going for this month's youth service".
Superman would have gone greener than the cryptonite would ave made him with envy at the speed with which i ran to the GNS dept to personally fetch my own results.i was cleared but then it was too late.
September 2006,Batch B of the National Youth Service Corps,missed a corper.....yeah thats right! me!. my name was once again omitted from the list cos non-academic staff went on strike and there was no one to type the names and only the names that had been typed,before the strike made it. God help the person whose name was typed halfway thru his surname before they downed tools!!!
So here we are,October 2007 and i'm proud to say i am going to serve my fatherland in the murky hinterlands of Bayelsa State!!!
Suffice to say,at some point i was sure i wasnt gon make this year again. thats what the system does to your psyche,it messes u up big time. u begin to think things and pretty soon,u start to see them!!!
i dont know that much about Bayelsa state,all i know is its an oil producing state with about 2million people whose main occupation is fishing,trading and farming.
My overactive imagination hasnt helped issues as well,i keep seeing heavily armoured militants rounding up our camp which i believe is located on one out of the three local governments on land. i can see them cos i can understand their motive for wanting to and probably succeed in kidnapping or holding hostage a whole camp of people from all over Nigeria because afterall, a corpers is technically and officially government property!!
Come monday, 15th october 2007,the NYSC programme officially begins. Please wish the entire batch B posted to bayelsa state, God's speed? Yup!

digging deep

i feel like i'm being called,i sit in my car or even when i'm driving and i feel bloated (not with food of course!) but with words,i feel this is the time my life could be documented. all my life i've always felt someone or myself should spend a considerable amount of time writing my life history and then somewhere down the line it hit me,that my life might not be as interesting as i thot. Ordinarily,my life isnt all that but i've got people in my life that spice things up for me and make everything seem like a chameleonic party! (dont ask me what that means). So i'm gonna start digging,not like paris here tho!!

SETTLED!!!!

i'm sitting here in my room watching boston legal with my phones on silent cos i really cant be bothered talking to anyone thruout this weekend. i saw HIM yesterday,early in the mornin at an eatery. We argued and accused back and forth till his phone rang and his boss asked him to start heading to a meeting they had scheduled. We finally came down to one question,to be or not to be.And this guy i had been weaving my dreams around looked me in the eye and said "as for the issue of u and i dating..................i'm gon ave to say no!" Alarms went off,sirens wailed in my head. it hurt but i was somehow relieved to hear him tell me no,it was the wake-up call i needed.you know its like u know something is bad for u,lets say for instance,smoking and it takes a cancer scare to wake u to the dangers inherent!! Suddenly,it was all over,there was no need to turn myself into a foot mat anymore,i was free,dance troupe from south africa broke out into celebratory freedom songs!!hurray!!shes alive again!
No doubt it does hurt,he would ave made a perfect or an almost perfect boyfriend bearing in my mind that all men are necessary evils but alas!my dating time is not here yet. Somehow my otherwise more docile religious side seems to believe God does ave a sense of humor and i'm his favorite star!! Somehow,He always manages to give me a happy ending!! This time He's going for an encore!!

And i walked.........

Its funny how u never ave anything to say and then all of a sudden,one becomes victoria falls. A lot to be said ,but not much sense to be made. About two months ago,i met this young man and ordinarily i wouldnt be dating considering the fact that i was only recently just rescued from death by a constantly aching heart;but i figured that like a cell of terrorists being trained to blow themselves up in usually distasteful manners to all concerned,i was ready to take on the almighty dating world!

In fairness,the bloke/chap/dude/guy told me he wasnt looking to date and he was just recently heartbroken himself but like all women who finds and meets a guy they seemingly have been searching for all their lives and GOD only just recently opened their case files and granted them the wishes of their heart,i felt i could change his mind. This happened over the phone,he's a moslem and so am i,i felt nothing could be more perfect-finally a relationship to make my father smile!!

I guess thats where i went wrong,i stopped following the invisible rules of dating which usually comes in phases-getting to know first then friendship then kisses and snuggles,then shagging then blah! blah! you know how u do it! But like all misguided young peoples,we put the cart before the horse and now the rest instead of becoming history becomes complicated!

Dont get me wrong,i'm not the one to place too much premium on shaggin because no matter how much u run from it and decide to go down the strait and narrow,theres usually a strait and narrow guy down that path that'll convince u to change ur mind!so why dont u do what u ave to do and accept full responsibility for it? But,honestly,this time around;in as much as i knew i was taking a risk i knew somewhere in my heart that it was the right kind of risk to take. Shag was divine the first,second,third time till i lost count,i should say here that all this time while my body was been loved,my mind wasnt buying the erotica! I knew what i wanted so i started getting to know his kind of person,meeting his friends and so on but all the while,my brain(notice i said my brain and not my heart,normally the reasoning part of the heart goes on sabbatical at these moments!)knew something wasnt right,cos even after straffing our brains out this "man" constantly insisted that we were friends and i told him that i had a enough of those already-friends that is! and if i needed i knew where to go. To cut the long story ,brief.We ave been on this friendship push and pull thing for about 21/2 months now and yesterday after a long holiday in the U.K and i sensed the weather nor my daily phonecalls did anything to change his mind nor open his eyes to see i had fallen for him,i walked away. Love is not selfish nor is love the new generation santa claus who gives away free emotions without anything in return.In fairness,i think he does really like me but hes just confused and thats not what i need now.I need a man who knows what he wants and the perfume that thing is wearing!!

It is hard walking away but from past experiences,i ave learnt that like the cliche goes,u leave while ur ovation is at its deafening loudest. I called him today more out of habit than because i was missing him. Que sera, sera, right? It hurts to love someone and they cant see beyond their noses,so i'm doing what every girl with common sense should do: i'm going back to my ex with whom i broke up with for no apparent reason and i'm gon marry him, my dad would probably not smile at the wedding but i will be.

You're officially BEAMED!!