Its funny how u never ave anything to say and then all of a sudden,one becomes victoria falls. A lot to be said ,but not much sense to be made. About two months ago,i met this young man and ordinarily i wouldnt be dating considering the fact that i was only recently just rescued from death by a constantly aching heart;but i figured that like a cell of terrorists being trained to blow themselves up in usually distasteful manners to all concerned,i was ready to take on the almighty dating world!
In fairness,the bloke/chap/dude/guy told me he wasnt looking to date and he was just recently heartbroken himself but like all women who finds and meets a guy they seemingly have been searching for all their lives and GOD only just recently opened their case files and granted them the wishes of their heart,i felt i could change his mind. This happened over the phone,he's a moslem and so am i,i felt nothing could be more perfect-finally a relationship to make my father smile!!
I guess thats where i went wrong,i stopped following the invisible rules of dating which usually comes in phases-getting to know first then friendship then kisses and snuggles,then shagging then blah! blah! you know how u do it! But like all misguided young peoples,we put the cart before the horse and now the rest instead of becoming history becomes complicated!
Dont get me wrong,i'm not the one to place too much premium on shaggin because no matter how much u run from it and decide to go down the strait and narrow,theres usually a strait and narrow guy down that path that'll convince u to change ur mind!so why dont u do what u ave to do and accept full responsibility for it? But,honestly,this time around;in as much as i knew i was taking a risk i knew somewhere in my heart that it was the right kind of risk to take. Shag was divine the first,second,third time till i lost count,i should say here that all this time while my body was been loved,my mind wasnt buying the erotica! I knew what i wanted so i started getting to know his kind of person,meeting his friends and so on but all the while,my brain(notice i said my brain and not my heart,normally the reasoning part of the heart goes on sabbatical at these moments!)knew something wasnt right,cos even after straffing our brains out this "man" constantly insisted that we were friends and i told him that i had a enough of those already-friends that is! and if i needed i knew where to go. To cut the long story ,brief.We ave been on this friendship push and pull thing for about 21/2 months now and yesterday after a long holiday in the U.K and i sensed the weather nor my daily phonecalls did anything to change his mind nor open his eyes to see i had fallen for him,i walked away. Love is not selfish nor is love the new generation santa claus who gives away free emotions without anything in return.In fairness,i think he does really like me but hes just confused and thats not what i need now.I need a man who knows what he wants and the perfume that thing is wearing!!
It is hard walking away but from past experiences,i ave learnt that like the cliche goes,u leave while ur ovation is at its deafening loudest. I called him today more out of habit than because i was missing him. Que sera, sera, right? It hurts to love someone and they cant see beyond their noses,so i'm doing what every girl with common sense should do: i'm going back to my ex with whom i broke up with for no apparent reason and i'm gon marry him, my dad would probably not smile at the wedding but i will be.
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