A lot of work went into finishing up this post because i'd started to think that maybe i was just being silly! I mean..this cannot possibly be the first nor only time i have talked about love or the lack of it! oh well! I feel like writing and i dont know how to leave my business unfinished...same way i cant end a call without saying goodbye...if it cuts off,i'll call back just to finish the convo properly..........i digress.
So when i say a lot of work went into finishing this post,i didnt carry hoe and cutlass o! its just that i went through thoughts of 'should i just delete the old post and start all over?' or "should i talk about something else?" Welcome to my world....
Anyhoo,i stopped with the story of meeting and making friends with Rhecks then her fabulous self upped and left for Jand. Because i am wired in an annoying weird way,i couldnt make new friends...nobody was like Rhecks...she got me..Totally! And i carried on like that till 1998 when i walked into my Photo Journalism or was it Public Relations class and saw this cute chubby girl squinting hard at the board!! i went up to her and according to her (blame my sporadic amnesia),we got talking and she after my one million questions,she told me she came from Calabar.....i didn't get it! Why would you or anyone want to leave Calabar and come all the way to Abeokuta (in English means 'under the rock'...go figure!) I was intrigued...see my first friend..Rhecks..was a bit of a nomad so this girl from Calabar piqued my interest!! I was like Yay!! I noticed she squinted a bit and gave her my glasses,everything became clearer after that..she didnt know her sight was that bad.....(She still wears glasses till now,i think her sight's even worse than mine! hehehe!). We became friends after that..she later confessed to me that i was a bit annoying but she was tickled!! We've been friends for the past 12yrs....a godson for me now and a lovely husband for her.....
Hold on..i'm getting to my point now!!
Rhecks is back in the country now and we are still friends...shes got a great career and shes gonna be great although shes got her silly fears but i know this woman!! We might have grown apart over the years..but the core remains the same and i love her still.
Kudi's in Chicago now with her family. We talk everyday via BBM and call each other at least once or twice a week.
In total I've been friends with these women for about 15yrs and my love for them has not faltered! i am probably one of the most annoying human beings i have ever met...Rhecks even had it easy..she was in the U.K...she didn't have to experience my madness first hand...Kudi on the other hand...phew!! I swear i dont know how shes been doing it but this woman gets me and shes one of the few people i actually listen to (she didnt know this before o!!!) not even my Dad has this kind of influence on me and hes the only parent i have left and when he is not annoying..he is the best!
Okay...here it is...!
My point is ...if these two can tolerate me and love me like they do without asking me to change who i am,why cant i find and be with a man who loves me just as much and even better cos i mean sex is part of his package..No?
I love these two just as much as they do me and i will do almost anything for them. They get me and i get them. We fight but ultimately,we know nothing's bigger than the friendship we shared and we've shared. We have drank garri together and eaten at expensive restaurants together..............we have cried and laughed.......but we are still standing......a lot of things have come and go ...age/men/other friends/money/work/life...but we are still here.
Maybe i am naive but shouldnt love with a man be this easy. I love this man and this man loves me...i will be faithful to him and him,me. He will piss me the f**k off and i might want to smash his head against something hard but i love him too much to hurt him........we would shout at each other but i wont go to bed without talking about it cos theres nothing more important than our love and happiness. I love him and he is my best friend and i can be myself around him...we would work together to make a success of everything..our marriage,our children...our home...his job...my job.... When he calls,i will answer....i will be his woman,his best friend and lover...... i will be his freak in the bed and the lady by his side!! He will be my brother,my best friend and my lover!
Oh well! We cant have everything thats why God created best friends. Thank you Rhecks and Kudirat. Your love and friendship has shown me love is possible...in different dimensions.
9 comments:
ol girl,ave you considered writing a novel? i will buy it and read it even if its crappy but i know it will be fantastic cos wen you are dedicated to something or someone you are at your best.Thats why we are still friends cos i know u are dedicated to this friendship.love always...
Well...this is a question so many women have asked and are still asking. I don't think there is a universal answer to why its not as easy to meet a dude, fall in love and live happily ever after as it is to make great friends. I've got my theory sha :). I think men see it differently. To them(especially the ones that haven't got a clue) its like bondage. U see, a guy feels he is at his prime till death while a lady hears the imaginary clock chiming. Those that want to settle down and have kids are so few its remarkable and with the way things are today, many don't see why they can't have a partner and kids without the ring being involved. Sad but true. Plus I think with friends the pressure is generally less. They accept you for you and don't try to make you feel less of a person. At least good friends don't. Personally I've decided to stop asking "the question" and just appreciate the people I've got in my life 'cause they are the BEST and if I'm destined to meet "the dude" and spend the rest of my life with him, it'll happen in Gods time but in the mean time, we've got great friends and the ever loyal dildo :).
Err...sorry for the 1000 words.
@Kudirat......I love you.
@Nono......not sure we've met but I think I like you! Don't apologise for the 1000 words abeg. But u know sometimes you meet a guy who is on the same wave lenght with you and y'all still won't get it right? Forget the pressure,forget the stereotypical wahala......my belief is that if and when a guy truly loves you,nothing will matter. Nothing.
This is such a beautiful piece.. i totally dig where u r coming from.... i am fortunate myself to have just the one friend.. she is timeless i tell u... so precious, loyal and loves me unconditionally... though she is married now.. with my godson on the way.. it didnt affect us she is still the same, we r still the same infact even stronger n closer.....
as for the man... i strongly believe we all are a missing rib.... he is out there.... some of us are just lucky enough to find him and some of us aren't but u know what......
if i never find him... i dont even mind just the thought of him actually existing makes me happy cos i know where ever he is... he is thinking about me the same way......
Oh!! I feel exactly this way! I don't know if I'd ever meet a guy who GETS me like some of my best friends! I mean... really GET the way i'm wired! Cos I meet some people and it just fizzles out and then I have these friends I've known forever and though we've been apart in the time between.. still they GET me! Maybe men are just not wired that way! I mean, i know i've never been "in love b4" but I love some of my girl friends to bits and I'd go to hell and back for them!
Oh well!! ** sigh**
Great piece...
I swear when I wrote this I was just really mad at the fact that I can maintain these friendships and can't do d same with a relationship and just started writing (well right after red wine,lauryn Hill and www.olawunmi.blogspot.com,thts a great writer by the way!) But seeing all these comments,I'm glad I'm not alone cos I was starting to think maybe I was expecting a lil too much! Thanks ladies!
ok this is in reply to the tweet about sex complicating matters. The 140 xters was obviously not going to cut it. I honestly do not think it does. Naturally sex is not supposed to add anything negative to a relationship(unless of course you suck at it hehe!!). Like i said earlier, the population of guys ready to settle down is negligible compared to the amount of women ready to settle down so it all boils down to what both parties want. If you are unfortunate to meet a guy that is interested in just the physical stuff, of course when he gets it he'll be off. I think that's what makes most people blame sex. I mean even if you say you want to wait till marriage, if the guy is not ready to get married he'll either move on when he discovers he can't tap that or just keep you around for companionship purposes and be tapping some other babe who is convinced with sex she can take the dude away from you. Now if you meet a dude that's in the market for a wife, only you can be your own downfall 'cause the sex will be the least of your problems unless of course down there smells like a waste dump. He will only decide you are not suitable when you do not exactly meet his criteria in a wife and that is only natural. I guess all i'm saying is sex is an unfortunate victim in this whole escapade. We(ladies and gents) and our motives are to blame for the success or failure of any relationship.
@Nono...I couldn't have said it better even if I wanted to! I don't think it's got anything to do with sex either! Sex just happened to be stuck there somehow. I have always believed that its a conscious decision....u choose to be friends with someone cos u get them........same way men open up to a random chick they met right after breaking up with you simply cos they 'just can't commit' ' and its not you baby,its me'and before u say Jack Sparrow,they are engaged to the babe! Its because they have chosen to be with that person! Was talking to my cousin today abt this post and he was saying I shldnt compare friendship to a marriage or relationship.....question is why not? Why shld marriages be so complicated? U love someone,u wanna spend the rest of ur life with them so u marry them.........the only that changes is they bear ur name and wear a ring. Its d same woman/man! Why does it have to change? I would make the same sacrifices I made when we were dating and maybe even more........I give up! Maybe I'm just naïve!
I think the first step is actually the "Connection" bit! I mean, you can go the whole 9 yards with your best friends because you guys click and it as absolutely nothing to do with sex.. u see... the sex is just the cherry on top. Which is why the relationship with the guy should be a plus because that way you should click in and out of bed. but unfortunately its hard enough to find someone u 'click' with the way it is with your best girlfriend.
I do not agree that the sex complicate things. I mean, is it the sex that makes you know or not know that u can't wait to get home, toss your leg up on the sofa and give your partner the latest gist (read as gossip hehe)you just heard? Sometimes I'm feeling so blue and all i need to do is talk to Doyin and she'd just make it feel better!!! Why can't I find someone who gets my fears and worries... and it would be nice to also have ground shattering sex with such a person too..NO?
So sex doesn't have anything to do with it.
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