For Mummy...but especially for DaGrin.

I write tonight because I do not know how else to channel this pain…this hurt! I write because I have been crying all night and would probably cry more. I write because I knew Dagrin. I write because I miss my mother. I write because I hurt.




I woke up today totally oblivious to what today represents. I have however been feeling quite withdrawn from God and all things spiritual and my ways have been giving me cause for worry. How can I come from being Pastor of the children's church to not even opening my bible? So I decided to do a fast and I prayed and asked for forgiveness and for Him to pull me closer.

I left my house after I broke my fast still oblivious to what today represents. I went for a meeting and towards the end of the meeting, my client asked me what today's date is and I said "April 22nd" then it hit me, my mother died this day 03:30 Saturday 1995. Needless to say, the meeting came to an abrupt end for me at that point. See, my mother died with me holding her and I had to break the news to her father, my grandfather. I was 14 years old. I left the venue of the meeting to go mourn what was left of today and then, I got the news, the blackberry message read 'Pls tell me its not true' and I replied 'what's not true?' He replied 'Its all over twitter that Dagrin's dead" and I said it had better not be true.

I checked twitter immediately and I didn’t see anything different from the usual banter of people tellling rumour mongers off. Then I got another message, saying 'rest in peace,Dagrin" And this source does not spread rumour partly because he is very close to the Dagrin camp. I begged him to tell me its not true and he said its true babes!!

Saying I cried my eyes out and found myself on the floor of my living room is not a situation I thought up just now,It all hit me at once!!

I was just coming home to mourn another year of my mother's absence and how she would never see my kids and all and then I hear of Dagrin's death?



Olayitan Olanipekun Oladapo a.k.a DaGrin died today at 06:48pm at the Lagos University Teaching Hospital,Idi Araba,Lagos.



I am torn! My heart bleeds! I wish I could put the pain into words but I can only weep!! I learnt years back that tears can not bring back the dead but it never stops hurting!!

I confess,I wasn’t his closest buddy but like most industry people , we knew each other. I had his number,he had mine and all that jazz. My last memory of Dagrin was at the Coca-Cola theme song launch with Banky.W,M.I ,Eldee and the industry heavy weights. I saw him park his newly acquired Nissan Maxima with his personalized plates and I told myself,'whoa! Dagrin's done good for himself,way to go boy!!' He came into the holding area a couple of hours later with his signature bodyguards . I was tickled cos he looked so small compared to his "giant" bodyguards. I had a friend with me from the states who was star struck that nite…she dragged me aside and said "I wanna take a picture with Dagrin too"

'No wahala I said! Hes cool like that!" I said. I went over to him and of course his BGs rose to the occasion,he quickly told them in Yoruba "Ha…this is my aunty o!! Ha! She is good peoples" I smiled and the guards 'sat'!! He came over with a smile and took the picture. I said thanks and he was like 'No wahala…its you now!"

That’s why it hurts!! He was simple like that!! Very friendly and I genuinely liked him!! I like what hes done with my Mother tongue….he made yoruba so cool with his music!! As I listen to his tracks tonite,playing back to back on most radio stations tonight in his honour ,tears fill my eyes and wet my keyboard….i reflect once again on the futility of this life…….Some might say he didn’t deserve to die but who deserves to die?

I thought my mother didn’t deserve to die some years back when she died at 45…she would have been 60 this year on the 18th of June…not that I'm comparing death or the gravity of it…but Dagrin must have been what 24,25 yrs old? What tha fuck?? How can Dagrin die? How? It hurts and I still don’t believe it hurts this much!!

You don’t know what its like until you lose someone….death sucks monkey balls!! And what makes it worse is..whats the guarantee we'd make heaven? Such a gruesome way to go and not make heaven on top of that?? Not good! I sincerely hope Dagrin made it right with God before he passed…so he can find the peace he truly deserves.

May God fill the void in his family. May God grant them peace. May He give them a reason to smile again. May God in His infinite mercy give them the strength to survive these times like He gave me.



I leave you with lyrics from his hit track PON PON PON!:

Awon ti Ijebu won nfi mi sere bi ifoko. Mi se agbe to lo s’oko

ti o k’oko. Iro ko, awon sisi fem u mi s’oko. Sokoyokoto, e ti mo

pe olobe lo l’oko. Omo Naija, mi o maga, mi mugu. Awon Ibo, won

nfi mi sere bi Ugwu. T’oba ri mi, wa ni o boy, se you be Igbo? Se you

be Anambra, abi you be Imo? Mo ma fi n ye won pe I be omo Ogun. I’m

a soldier boy, you call me Akojun. Last album mi to jade, won nipe

ko ta. T’oba gbo ni siyin, o ma fi hip-hop jo bata. Ile oba t’ojona,

ewa lo bu si.



O yeah. Sossick, let ‘em know we taking over mehn! You know

what it is, but we knew what it was baby. Awon ti siyin ni Naija,

emi won si ma ja. T’oma sare gbagbe bata, bi pe ki bata e ja. Olorun

sib a elomi se ninu yin, o si ni hit. T’oba to time kan, e yin bawo,

e ni le fit. E ma le. Igba yen la ma mo ojo mo bale. Ama fi rap rap yin

po, ese yin o ni bale. Ewo kin fi fale, ewo mi kin fi ale. T’oba wa

da bi iro, oya na wo je a jale. Mo ti so fun yin tele, mi o lo sibi kan

kan. Mo ti lo sodo, mo fo ori mi pelu kan-kan. Mo mu kan-kan yen

mo so s’odo, ko ba odo lo. Eni wa mi ti, a ni ronu, nibo lo lo. Anywhere

ti ba lo, mi se eran ilu kan. And anywhere ti ba, nlo, mo fe ma lo

pelu *gun shot*. Mo de ni lati get e larin osu kan. O ti di dan dan

because ota po gan.



REST IN PEACE DAGRIN...

CONTINUE TO REST IN PEACE MUMMY…Mrs Olufunmilayo Ayorinde (June 18th 1950 - April 22 1995)

Charles Carpenter's Phone.

I started to write this ..as usual with nothing in mind but just a need to put pen to paper or in my case,finger to keyboard! I just got back from spending almost a week in Abuja and i was so sure i was going to rant about the difference in lifestyle when compared to Lagos and all that crap but as i lay here in front of my lappie trying to channel my thots into words.....while the notification light on my blackberry curve 8900 is blinking at the same rate as that of an ambulance,i remember what Ellen Degeneres said last night on her self titled show on the series channel. She was talking about the intrusive nature of these modern day gadgets especially the mobile phone.  So i changed my mind and decided to talk about the blessings and sometimes,curses of the BLACKBERRY and mobile phones in general.


Does anyone remember back then when we had those dial-at-a-time desk phones? those ones that were a replica of Charles Carpenter's phone in Another Life? When that phone rang,we ran to get it cos we didnt know who was calling! There was a level of mystery and intrigue with each phone call....u didnt know who was calling.....i remember my all female cousins team running for the phone in hopes of getting to it before the all male cousins/brothers team got to the phone so they scare the caller away!! Lol!! (oh my! suddenly i feel old!!its worse to think that there are some children alive now who might not know what the f**k i'm talking about!!) Now we have caller IDs....and we get to screen calls...mschew!wheres the fun?
Dont get me wrong and please dont be like my father and think i'm against development and growth...arrgghhh!! Nothing like that!! I love my blackberry no matter how beat up it looks!! Its my nerve center!! My scheduler!! My diary! My PA!......My marketing tool!! But sometimes it does get a bit much!!
I was with my Oga the other day and he'd been talking and for my mind,i dey hear wetin him dey talk but turns out i wasnt....i was just nodding and thumbing my phone away!! I have Blackberry messenger,twitter,facebook,yahoo messenger,msn messenger and googletalk applications installed on my phone.....you can imagine the madness trying to talk to to different people on different platforms at the same time and also trying to spend quality time with your partner!! Needless to say ,he snatched the phone from me and demanded 'his' time!! lol! Poor baby! I totally understand!! I'd be livid too!!


What can be done to balance maintaining our 'human-ness' and moving with the times? I for one,dont want to lose those things that made me,moulded me into what or who i am. I'd hate it if my children grew up this way with almost zero human contact!! Everything is Myspace,Facebook,Blackberry,Googletalk/Buzz,Skype......we've almost lost that which binds us as a people all in the name of building a global village!! What gargantuan good has that done us? How has that friend in America helped me find fuel during fuel scarcity in Nigeria? How has that friend i met on twitter who lives in South Africa being the shoulder  i needed to cry on when my heart was broken? How has my husband being able to get me preggers via Skype? SMH.....yeah thats from the new age web lingo too .....it means Shaking My Head!!! Its great to see how the world has developed...its also sad to see how much we have lost...allowed to slip away!! Technology/Development etc...are neccessary evils just like...MEN!!

Is contentment the over-ambitious man's equivalent of mediocrity?

When I was 20...which was like 9 years ago,i had a conversation with myself and set some rules/objectives for myself! I said to me if my love life was still shitty by the time i hit the big 30,i'd adopt and i'd only adopt because assuredly i'd be able to pay my unborn child's school fees and all what not,i'd have a great job..one that i loved and a good apartment and at least a good car.

Thing is i'm almost 30,will be 30 next year.i work for myself in an industry that believes paying your dues is the same thing as working tirelessly while kissing all the asses along the way without getting paid for it so yeah,i work very hard but i'm broke. Love life is ....yeah u guessed it....still shittty,which only means one thing...i cant have nor adopt a child cos i cant take care of myself not to talk of a child who cant tell you what he/she wants till shes  spent about 3yrs on earth!!

So heres the thing...i'm not a worrier hence my confidence that i might not die from hypertension but sometimes these things do get to you. The pressure mounting from family bout your age as if you've lost track of time and you dont even realise your own age.......the pressure from your married friends and the constant e-invites for weddings from friends on Facebook! You might stay strong and smile but in the end,it does get to you cos nobody likes to be lonely (i like to be alone but not lonely sha!) so in the face of all these,u still have to work and get paid and look nice.

I'm not going to dwell on this issue..like a friend,Bez,once told me,'maybe you should use another yardstick for ur goals' and thats exactly what i'm going to do! Everywhere i turn i see my friends who were blushing brides at the time of getting married but are now these empty shells just existing!! I see their husbands shamelessly cheating on them and in no time ,the marriages are over even before it started.

I see 35yr olds who are jobless and holding on to the last shred of hope that life's got to offer. I see people struggling to eat daily. I see women whose monthly spending money is what i blow in less than a week!

I am grateful for my life but in the light of this,i can only ask God to continually show me what my life would be like if i didnt use the opportunities i was given properly!

I might not have a BMW 5 series but i know how to drive and i have a car to drive.

I might not have my own rented apartment,but i have a roof over my head.

I might not have the latest shoes or clothes or even fashionably correct but i'm not without!

I might not have a man to call my own in the real sense  of it,but i am happy and my decisions are so far not based on the presence nor absence of a man in it!

Though,some very competitive people would say one should aspire for more,compare yourself to the successful people they might say!......even i have said it to me several times but at the end of the day,the question always still remains 'Is contentment now mediocrity?'

Lord help me to understand and know the difference.

I am a very competitive person and always want more...to achieve better than the next person. To be better than the guy next to me but now my prayer is for God to grant me the ability to know when to stop.

Maybe some of us are meant to excel at something more than the other (s). Marriage instead of a career1 Career instead of your marriage! Singledom instead of marriage! Alone instead of lonely!

I compare myself to those i think i'm better than or my situation is better than because it makes me appreciate my current situation and do everything not to lose the opportunity i've been given - the chance to make it all better.

I compare my life's situation not because its a mediocre thing to do to use people you are more fortunate than as yardstick...but because it helps me reflect and appreciate how far i've come.

With a gun to my Head.

So i think i have been given the option of updating my blog as regularly as i can......i should be relieved but i'm not!! there are so many things that trouble me! kai! where do i start from? ....maybe from the hypocrisy of the industry i work in...Entertainment or the hopelessness of the country i live in........or the more mundane issues of the heart...no?......i guess i'll just shoot! whichever comes to my fingertips first!

I resigned from my place of work on my birthday,i figured it was the best birthday gift i could give myself seeing as i was working in a very unhealthy environment....and errr! i dont mean it literally...infact many will say my former place of work had (dunno about now) the best bathrooms! lol!...Anyway,i digress! I was saying....yeah! I resigned....at the time it was the best decision i could have ever made! i mean who wouldnt want to resign from a place where you are constantly told off for ...wait for it....... doing your job "too well"......dont look at me! i didnt understand it too!

I was happy i was going to do what i was born to do....not Law...i know i talk a lot but thats not it!!....Entertainment! that'll be the correct answer! i mean i've always been in entertainment...i have worked in several offices that had stuff to do with entertainment....infact i used to be a photographic model myself even became a brand ambassador for a telecomms company...had my face splashed everywhere...concerts here and there....(oooh!those were good times...good times!!)...I digress again!....

So i thought i'd just concentrate and do it full time! i got a couple of job offers but i decided to go solo...maybe i shouldnt have cos the minute you rely on people to help make your business work...thats the point you lose your individuality!! kai!! i learnt that in our industry and turns out the rest of the world too......you are not allowed to say you dont like someone's art even if its killing your eyesight and eardrums...you are supposed to suck it up and say 'wow! fantastic song/movie!"

Well,i played it their way for a while and then i started to get pissed off!! i mean why cant i tell you to go to hell if thats how i'm really feeling? why cant i tell you to stop playing a potential weapon of mass destruction a.k.a your music? WHY??? So i developed a new way out.......i will say it as it is...you either put a gun to my head...in which case you 'might' end up going to jail...seeing as our country is messed up or.............that brings me to the state of the nation........

Which i will not talk about cos depression is not on my to-do list today!!!

IF I COULD CHANGE THE WORLD......

yesterday i was asked by Mrs Adesua Oyenokwe publisher of TW Magazine to write a piece on the above topic and i must confess,it felt a little daunting at first....i mean what does lil ol me know about changing the world? Instantly i thought to myself what do i need to change about my own life first before i start to think of changing the whole world...really?
THE WHOLE FUCKING WORLD!!
so i thot to practice on blog first and see how much of a damage i'd cause if i were God for one day cos i think it would take God Like powers to change this here world of ours!! So lets go.....

IF I COULD CHANGE THE WORLD...
To change the world i think i would change me first. Make sure i do one good thing a day or maybe a week. Make a positive impact with everything i do. Smile more. Say thank You. Apologise to the next person who might have an issue with me and is nice is enough to say it out loud!! Love more unconditionally...(needless to say this would be hard!!)

And this brings me to my perfect plan of changing the world,personally i think the recipe is simple really...and i know it might sound cliched but if we think about it deeply we'd find that there is no other better 'expo' to changing the world.

Imagine a world where we all loved one another unconditionally....crossing boundaries like Race,Religion or whatever excuse we might come up with.Imagine the leaders of all Middle Eastern countries coming together over a cuppa Joe (they probably do while soldiers are bombing away!)

I honestly did not want to speak about what everyone else is going on about but i thought about it.....would you hurt someone you genuinely love? would you destroy their properties? would you kill their children and rape their wives and daughters? would you steal from them and take what belongs to them forcefully? would you wipe out their entire city?
I dont think so.....Please tell me again...Why shouldnt love be the answer to changing the world?

So if i could change the world...i would make sure i let out all the hate and spread the love like a farmer sparying his plants with pesticide...difference is ..this time i'd be killing the HATE!

Thats my final answer.

BACK BY POPULAR DEMAND...the ramblings of a now OVER UTILIZED MIND!!

Ok so my life has kinda taken a funny positive turn since i was last here which must have been November last year or was it year before?
Anyhoo....i was going to delete this blog business but a group of talented-somewhat eccentric but overall annoyingly sweet individuals...Please do not cringe as i list names like AYANYANKS,DECLETIC,FUEGO,SEINJIN? (YES SEINJIN!!) AND CO!! have voted that i continue writing..much as my life currently is not very benevolent with time,i belive this blog could actually help with fast-purging a lot!! okay so before we continue,lets state the few things that are constant still...

1. I'm still Single! (not married definitely!)
2. I still have a job ( Well..turns out i'm still God's pikin!)
3. I still live with my folks!!
4. I still have my writer's block so the tendency to write shit is still very high.

So shall we formally get re-acquainted?

Hi, My name is Ms Sapphire and this is my blog.

So Far.......

Its been so long....jeez! Its been a year since i was last here. And unfortunately for me now i've got a serious case of writer's block(not that i was writing anything fantastic before now!) So thanks for those who still check out this blog for updates and i apologise for dissapointing y'all everytime but "A CHANGE WILL COME" and it has come..."YES WE CAN"!
So when i'm ready and not trying to sleep early so i can get to work ( oh yes..i work now! thats a basin of fish altogether ...not a kettle!) early without the mad traffic of Lagos....my Lagos!, please be more patient (this is for my tiny fan base) THANK YOU THANK YOU...Y'ALL R SO WONDERFUL!!!!

the glory of all lands?

thats the slogan for bayelsa state,if you ask me,the only right they have to that 'pay off line' is just all that oil been drilled out of that state! because for whatever else,the place aint shit! and its so annoying to see such levels of poverty everyday when their natural resources is most of what is used to develop other states,and especially the federal capital territory which when compared to bayelsa is paradise!! when i say i can understand the cause of these militants,iit might seem like one is encouraging violence! but in reality,these people are suffering and you can practically smell the poverty off the streets.

i dont even wanna talk bout the mindset of the average bayelsan,its fucked! excuse my french! but really,these pple have nothing going on for them except this oil and its been taken away from them. so the average bayelsan is quite hostile,thinking that you're out to get him or cheat him out of what rightfully belongs to him/her. i dont blame them really cos what ordinarily should have been God's blessing to them has now been exploited and mismanaged by some really greedy people,what should have bn a blessing is now beginning to look more like a curse!!

N.B

by the way the father of the bayelsa deputy governor was kidnapped last nite,i thot that was hilarious!!!

Bayelsa Blues Pt 2

I walked into my hostel and i thot i was in the storage or something cos i seriously did not want to believe the mad house i just walked into was gon be my place of abode for 21 days!! Holy mother of God!! there must ave been at least 50 bunks in there or so i delusionally thot!! Alas!! i joke! i found my number which was 015,luckily it was the last on my side so i had some privacy as far as conducting ur business within a one inch radius goes. i turned about to check the last number on the bunk opposite,thinking it would be 30 or something,i winced when i saw the number,i honestly thot my short-sightedness had kicked in again!i wore my glasses and the numbers stubbornly stared right back at me-134!!!

FUCK ME AND A BAG OF CHIPS! I HAD 133 ROOM-MATES!!

Not that i'm xenophobic or anything but c'mon! that tiny path you see is the one everyone squeezes thru every morning on the way to the bathroom,now that is another story entirely. whats even more annoying is about half of these girls either have cheap boyfriends or cheap toasters cos their phones go ballistic at night-yeah! fucking midnight calls! and wats sad is none of them has got phone manners in check so they talk like its 12noon on a sunday and they at the park for a picnic when really its 2am in the room in a room with other ppl. did i forget to mention that the bloody soldiers wake us up at 4am?!!!

notice anything bout the head rest? yup! bags! we used our bags or dirty clothes as pillows cos we were not given any!

notice how shes squeezing thru ? hunmph! everday we squeezed thru like that and i'm not exactly anorexic!!

Bayelsa Blues Pt 1

I made it! I went to Bayelsa state and i'm back and boy! do i ave srories or what? I must confess after the first few days,i wanted to go home but i'm glad i stayed;i think i'm a better person cos of this scheme. yeah i know it sounds funny but at the end of it all,i did enjoy camp tho i fought that feeling but i guess if u cant beat them,u join them right?!!

My first "issue" with the whole trip probably started from when i heard it was gon cost 50grand to purchase a return ticket from and to Port-Harcourt which is the nearest sane city to bayelsa, there was no way i was gon to pay half of a 100,000naira to travel for just about one hour!! So i found what seemed like a cheaper alternative at first until i realised(when it was too late)that it wasnt!After "plenty" consultation with travellers of note,i decided to go thru Owerri,i was told by these confused pple that Owerri is "jjust" bout two hrs away from bayelsa.weelllll.......it is if u were flying in and out of the gutters otherwise known as potholes on the road,Jesus Christ!it took about 4 bloody hours,it did!!!

I got to camp around 1830hrs and i was feeling quite happy with and for me,thinking i had beat the rush by arriving on the day camp opened and i was definitely gon be amongst the first hundred! humph!delusional i was!well,i didnt realise this until i was asked to register or sign in or something along the lines of putting my name down and then i saw my serial number which at time was 1015!!! first reaction------the government should make sure parents let their children/wards sleep! what the ........?! Very quickly,my brisk steps probably brought on by my excitement turned into a trudge,i suddenly didnt feel like being with so many young pple!!! i wrote my name and "trudged" to my hostel after collecting my mat otherwise called mattress(note-not that i'm "funkifying" the word mattress,its just that what they gave us probably was known as mattress when it was first bought,but as at the time when i dragged it into block D,it had metamorphosed into a mat,i think some mats are actually better than what i slept on for three weeks!!)

Into block D i walked and therein was my no.1 greatest shocker for the duration of the orientation camp!!!

goodbye.......farewell!

well,here we are. i am about to be out and wont be here for another three weeks but who knows ,i might actually run into a cyber cafe at camp and i'll fill u in but for now,i've got to be M.I.A.

Comatose Romance.......?

Okay,i know that since i got my call up letter i ave not bn talking about anything else but Bayelsa state and that can certainly be annoying! but i'm excited and i dont think there should be anything more interesting in my life now....................but really there shoulld be right? well,i did warn you about the lack of excitement in my life abi?
alright well,whatever! i was at the beach with a ccouple of friends early this morning around 2am till like 4am(for someone whose life is normally boring,i'm not doing badly!)it was so cooool! waves slappin,palms whistling and all of that novel bullshit!another time and day,i probably would ave had time to commune with mother nature but i was simply out to party!
thats that,nothing much to report there,its not like my skills of description has gone AWOL,it wasnt just out of the ordinary!
anyway,i'm here now in the comfort of my little room romancing my laptop and wondering what i'm gon do about this coma i know our love affair is gon fall into? What? did u think they ave base stations in the "murkylicious" waters of kolokuma/opokuma local government area? i didnt think so! so it looks like we'd ave to settle for when i come back after my three weeks?!!!!! orientation to regal y'all with tales of toils,crimes and retribution,sex and politics from the big brother house of the NYSC! Ciao!

Ajuwaya!

sometings wrong



i think i might be the only one excited about going away to march in swamps!!! wake up call is at 4am and i'm actually looking forward to it, i must be madder than i thot!
ok i admit,i'm a hopeless romantic with a thing for adventure....its one and the same isnt it? adventure,romance...they share the same DNA ,dont they?
anyways,back to the issue,i am excited but i'm trying not to show it. ok maybe i'm not that excited and its trepidation at the thot of being captured and tortured by cold hearted-money grabbing militants!!!
i've heard a lot about bayelsa in th e last couple of days, you know how people rejoice at ones misery? yup! some pple ave taken it upon themselves to keep me updated on the goings-on of the militants in bayelsa.
All i ave to say to them is- I WILL NOT BE INTIMIDATED! WE DO NOT NEGOTIATE WITH TERRORISTS!

N.B(how many of u wrote these in letters in sec.school?)
------as much as u lot wld be happy for
me to announce that i ave a terrible condition
that makes me commit grammatical blunders
i'm sorry to dissapoint y'all but I DO NOT!
thing is,i think faster than i write so i end up
omitting words....,so pls try to make sense out of what i write
even if u cant make me make sense!

I got served!!!

I'm one of the lucky few,i finished uni in record time......5yrs! i can not even venture near the complaints desk so i'm grateful. i remember when i wrote my final paper,i was sure nothing could stop me now and the stress i silently bore for 5yrs had finally come to a head. Hopefuls rushed out of the exam hall confident of a new beginning,never would they be caught up in the cross fire between the federal government and the almighty ASUU! hey hurray! i cant tell u for sure if my memory permits me ,that my voice for one of the loudest that day. i had finished uni without an or some extra years! My father's pride would have gone full circle if not for my 2.2 CPGA!!
I finished Feb 2006,project written and submitted and all,then the wait began. At first it was, "sorry we cant find your GNS204 results,the GNS dept hasnt forwarded it to us yet and by virtue of that,your name couldnt make the list of "cleared" students going for this month's youth service".
Superman would have gone greener than the cryptonite would ave made him with envy at the speed with which i ran to the GNS dept to personally fetch my own results.i was cleared but then it was too late.
September 2006,Batch B of the National Youth Service Corps,missed a corper.....yeah thats right! me!. my name was once again omitted from the list cos non-academic staff went on strike and there was no one to type the names and only the names that had been typed,before the strike made it. God help the person whose name was typed halfway thru his surname before they downed tools!!!
So here we are,October 2007 and i'm proud to say i am going to serve my fatherland in the murky hinterlands of Bayelsa State!!!
Suffice to say,at some point i was sure i wasnt gon make this year again. thats what the system does to your psyche,it messes u up big time. u begin to think things and pretty soon,u start to see them!!!
i dont know that much about Bayelsa state,all i know is its an oil producing state with about 2million people whose main occupation is fishing,trading and farming.
My overactive imagination hasnt helped issues as well,i keep seeing heavily armoured militants rounding up our camp which i believe is located on one out of the three local governments on land. i can see them cos i can understand their motive for wanting to and probably succeed in kidnapping or holding hostage a whole camp of people from all over Nigeria because afterall, a corpers is technically and officially government property!!
Come monday, 15th october 2007,the NYSC programme officially begins. Please wish the entire batch B posted to bayelsa state, God's speed? Yup!

digging deep

i feel like i'm being called,i sit in my car or even when i'm driving and i feel bloated (not with food of course!) but with words,i feel this is the time my life could be documented. all my life i've always felt someone or myself should spend a considerable amount of time writing my life history and then somewhere down the line it hit me,that my life might not be as interesting as i thot. Ordinarily,my life isnt all that but i've got people in my life that spice things up for me and make everything seem like a chameleonic party! (dont ask me what that means). So i'm gonna start digging,not like paris here tho!!

SETTLED!!!!

i'm sitting here in my room watching boston legal with my phones on silent cos i really cant be bothered talking to anyone thruout this weekend. i saw HIM yesterday,early in the mornin at an eatery. We argued and accused back and forth till his phone rang and his boss asked him to start heading to a meeting they had scheduled. We finally came down to one question,to be or not to be.And this guy i had been weaving my dreams around looked me in the eye and said "as for the issue of u and i dating..................i'm gon ave to say no!" Alarms went off,sirens wailed in my head. it hurt but i was somehow relieved to hear him tell me no,it was the wake-up call i needed.you know its like u know something is bad for u,lets say for instance,smoking and it takes a cancer scare to wake u to the dangers inherent!! Suddenly,it was all over,there was no need to turn myself into a foot mat anymore,i was free,dance troupe from south africa broke out into celebratory freedom songs!!hurray!!shes alive again!
No doubt it does hurt,he would ave made a perfect or an almost perfect boyfriend bearing in my mind that all men are necessary evils but alas!my dating time is not here yet. Somehow my otherwise more docile religious side seems to believe God does ave a sense of humor and i'm his favorite star!! Somehow,He always manages to give me a happy ending!! This time He's going for an encore!!

And i walked.........

Its funny how u never ave anything to say and then all of a sudden,one becomes victoria falls. A lot to be said ,but not much sense to be made. About two months ago,i met this young man and ordinarily i wouldnt be dating considering the fact that i was only recently just rescued from death by a constantly aching heart;but i figured that like a cell of terrorists being trained to blow themselves up in usually distasteful manners to all concerned,i was ready to take on the almighty dating world!

In fairness,the bloke/chap/dude/guy told me he wasnt looking to date and he was just recently heartbroken himself but like all women who finds and meets a guy they seemingly have been searching for all their lives and GOD only just recently opened their case files and granted them the wishes of their heart,i felt i could change his mind. This happened over the phone,he's a moslem and so am i,i felt nothing could be more perfect-finally a relationship to make my father smile!!

I guess thats where i went wrong,i stopped following the invisible rules of dating which usually comes in phases-getting to know first then friendship then kisses and snuggles,then shagging then blah! blah! you know how u do it! But like all misguided young peoples,we put the cart before the horse and now the rest instead of becoming history becomes complicated!

Dont get me wrong,i'm not the one to place too much premium on shaggin because no matter how much u run from it and decide to go down the strait and narrow,theres usually a strait and narrow guy down that path that'll convince u to change ur mind!so why dont u do what u ave to do and accept full responsibility for it? But,honestly,this time around;in as much as i knew i was taking a risk i knew somewhere in my heart that it was the right kind of risk to take. Shag was divine the first,second,third time till i lost count,i should say here that all this time while my body was been loved,my mind wasnt buying the erotica! I knew what i wanted so i started getting to know his kind of person,meeting his friends and so on but all the while,my brain(notice i said my brain and not my heart,normally the reasoning part of the heart goes on sabbatical at these moments!)knew something wasnt right,cos even after straffing our brains out this "man" constantly insisted that we were friends and i told him that i had a enough of those already-friends that is! and if i needed i knew where to go. To cut the long story ,brief.We ave been on this friendship push and pull thing for about 21/2 months now and yesterday after a long holiday in the U.K and i sensed the weather nor my daily phonecalls did anything to change his mind nor open his eyes to see i had fallen for him,i walked away. Love is not selfish nor is love the new generation santa claus who gives away free emotions without anything in return.In fairness,i think he does really like me but hes just confused and thats not what i need now.I need a man who knows what he wants and the perfume that thing is wearing!!

It is hard walking away but from past experiences,i ave learnt that like the cliche goes,u leave while ur ovation is at its deafening loudest. I called him today more out of habit than because i was missing him. Que sera, sera, right? It hurts to love someone and they cant see beyond their noses,so i'm doing what every girl with common sense should do: i'm going back to my ex with whom i broke up with for no apparent reason and i'm gon marry him, my dad would probably not smile at the wedding but i will be.

You're officially BEAMED!!